Tag Archives: cancer

Enjoy Life

 

Enjoy life, seems an easy statement doesn’t it…. 

Well it’s not always by any means.

This week has made me realise that we all should enjoy life because we never know what is round the corner.

 I have someone who suffers with depression and although we are getting the help needed it can be hard and we are slowly learning to do things as and when he feels well enough and we do ok but it is hard because some days it is not possible.

I have a very dear friend, who although I don’t see very often, I am always in contact with. This lady is mad as a box of frogs with a sense of humour to match, she has a hectic life. However, a while ago she was diagnosed with a chronic form of blood cancer called MDP.  Now from a person looking from the outside I can see the change, deep down she is still the funny mad woman we all love, but now she struggles with everything she does, she still wishes to have the energy she has always had and wants to do all she used to but can’t.  As a friend I can see how she struggles and would love to help but can’t.

As with any debilitating illness like depression or chronic illness like MDP, trying to cope with everyday things are hard.

My friend has really struggled this week and all I want to do is offer a hug or try and help but can’t.

However whilist at work on Friday, I bumped into a couple who we are friends with but with everything else going on have not been able to keep in contact with, and I was so shocked to find out that our friends wife had had a stroke and was now wheelchair bound and a shadow of her former bubbly self. Her husband never changes, still the man we always knew.  This really upset me and after the week I had gone through, I really felt lost as to what to say or do.

This made me think!!

We are all so busy with our work lives they we forget to enjoy the little things and they are the times of peace and quiet when we can do things we enjoy and get pleasure from.

If we suffer from any illness, whether debilitating or worse a chronic illness or if there is a terminal illness, we should go out when we can manage an do the things that WE want to do, daft or otherwise.  We all have a right to enjoy life whatever it throws at us.

I am not telling people what to do, but life throws curve balls, I’ve had plenty myself and we have had to change what we do. We have to make the most of what we are given even when we feel like we have been given a whole load of shit.

It’s very hard when you have been the type of person to do lots and always busy to suddenly have to slow down and develop a new pace, but we have to do it (probably with a lot of why me?) 

So please let’s all try and enjoy life as it is very precious

God bless and take care xx

Mum’s. Just that….

 Me and my mum


 

Well, how to start this…….mum’s ( the strong person who guides us and loves us)

 

My mum was the archetypal strong, hard working, no nonsense type of parent.  She had worked all of her life in the NHS and worked up to the head of her department. ( you did not mess with her).

Mum loved her job and also had a passion for dressmaking (Was good at it).

I always thought we had a good relationship, but my mum was not one to talk to her children about stuff, ( growing up stuff), like boyfriends, sex,contraception ..etc ( you get the jist). I think it was probably a generation thing, parents are more open now.

However, things did not always go to plan, I had a great boyfriend (still married). (Same guy) and my mum approved (I think). We had been going out for a while, got engaged and decided to buy a house and live together ( shock horror ). This was to be the end of our happy relationship. We bought the house and due to move in the April of 1991

My mum was not happy that I was going to live with someone who I was not married to (was engaged) and right up to me moving out she still said, you have time to change. What? ……. You could get married first……

My mum thought it would be less of a stigma to get married and if it didn’t work out to divorce than living in sin with said boyfriend.  We fell out…..big time (I was 23 at the time)

We moved out and were really happy, mum wasn’t , she even wrote letters to me and posted them to my work telling me how I had totally upset the family.  I couldn’t believe it.

Time moved on, we decided to offer an olivebranch, and invited them up near Christmas to see the house. (big mistake)

Wasn’t really interested, just picked faults with the house (our home) BF was in kitchen cooking, not happy.  The visit didn’t do anything to help the feud, just made it worse.

We decided to get married in 1992 really looking forward to telling my mum. We decided to ring all the parents and tell the the good news. I was greeted with…….you know my view, you could have done it before……this really upset me and Mr could tell what had been  said, so he took the phone and told her if that was her view she needn’t bother coming to the wedding. .. No resolve there then….. Soon to be greeted by knock on the door from my dad. (something about slamming the phone down) ( what did they expect)

The wedding was all planned my MIL came with me to choose the dress. Loved it. would have been nice for my mum to make me one or shop for one, was never going to happen! And I Am sure there was a comment about, “wasn’t the type of dress I expected” on my wedding day.  Omg

All the arrangements for the day were sorted, my bridesmaids were coming with me in the car. She even tried to change that the day before the wedding.

Sorry waffling a bit…….back on track

My mum was the sort of person who ignored everyone else’s way, because hers was the right way and the only way.

Always remember when I went to get my hair cut short, my mum said how “short will your hair be” ( I was in my mid 20s). Lol

We occasionally visited, (only us to them, never the other way) still got on with my dad, it was always very odd with my mum from then onwards, we never regained any good relationship afterwards.

My mum worked all her life and she did work hard, very hard. She would never have a day off ill, she was never ill. ( too strong willed).

It was in 1995, I remember visiting on my own (Mr never came with me) and my mum was of sick with a cold,  off her food type of thing (so we thought). This was the Tuesday, if memory serves correctly.  Little did I know it would be the last time I would see her alive.

I was 27 yrs old, it was the Saturday morning and I had gone off to dance, I had told Mr that I would get chips for dinner on the way home, so I did. I pulled up at home at Mr was waiting outside the house. As soon as I got out the car he’s said my dad had called, mum had died!!!!!!!!

We jumped in the car and headed straight over and yes she had passed away suddenly. 

I was totally dumbstruck, nothing, didn’t know how i felt (shock ) this was not the end!!!

She was 53 , they did a PM to find out exactly what had happened, because as far as we knew, she was not ill.

We had a family meeting, (dad, me and brother) later on in the week to finally discover the truth. ( wish I hadn’t)

It turns out she passed from a blood clot, but unbeknownst to us she had breast cancer (for quite a while as well)

We didn’t know ( my dad suspected but didn’t know) . How was I to deal with this bombshell. She worked for the NHS, she could have had great care and possible cured or at least lived for a while longer, but no, nothing. Did nothing about it.

How could she not tell us or my dad……bemused

So on top of losing my mum, I had to suddenly deal with the fact of the big ‘C’ in the family

I was suddenly filled with emotions I didn’t understand, I was angry, upset and actually pissed off that she couldn’t and didn’t do anything. Apparently she had seen family members deteroriate with this disease and didn’t want to put us through that.

I STILL WOULD HAVE LIKED TO HAVE KNOWN

Years passed by, I got pregnant, and had a little little girl and with this came pent up emotions and anger again.  Maybe just maybe if something had been done, she might have met her grandchild.

I always vowed that I would be open and honest to my family and I am.

Mum, I know you were a very opinionated, strong independant woman, but with being so closed minded, you missed so much.

Mum, I did love you but can never forgive you, for what you did, it was like you didn’t think we could cope or that we would make you do something you didn’t want to do. We did love you but you only thought of yourself in that situation. And not of what you would leave behind.

Even 18yrs down the line, still hard. On mothers day and birthdays, everyone posting, happy whatever day and if they lost their mums, how much they think of them and miss them and I can’t…..just can’t do it.

I do take flowers to the crem at Christmas, but can’t write a sloppy card, just not our sort of relationship.

Sometimes I do wonder if she had the chance again, would she do it differently. I think not.

My mum was like a high speed train getting from A to B and not letting anything distract her or get in her way, or slow her down.

 

Don’t judge me for my feelings, you weren’t there and didn’t go through it.  I know I probably sound heartless but that is just the way it is.

There are lots of fabulous mums out their, treasure them, love them and miss them when they are gone.

I feel sorry for my mum, because of what she has missed out on. Maybe it could have been different, we shall never know.

I have a great life , great family and I have a fabulous relationship with my dad  (remarried) ( always was a dads girl) still am, even at my age……

 

Xxxx